https://theboxingmanifesto.blogspot.com/2022/12/hello-my-name-is-alex-and-i-am-alcoholic.html
It had been 3 years since I had a drink when I wrote it. Now, in 2025, 3 years later, I am happy to say that I am still holding strong. Not one sip since December of 2019. But that doesn't mean that I did it. That I beat my addiction. Even if I can continue to hold on for another 30 years, I still won't have beaten it. Because you never really beat any serious addiction as long as you are alive. It is an ongoing battle. Just like the Terminator, Alcoholism will never stop chasing after me. It won't get tired or give up, it will wait patiently, year after year, looking for that one crack in my armor that it can slip through.
Does not drinking get easier over time, though? Yes, it definitely does but that can be a problem too. Getting too comfortable can lead to dropping your guard. When I first went to outpatient rehab and met the rest of the group, there was a guy who mentioned that he had quit drinking for 5 years but then fell off the wagon. When I asked him why he started drinking again after all that time, he just told me that life was going too good for him. He got too comfortable an thought that he could certainly handle a drink or two and be just fine. For serious alcoholics, this is a trap.
Not because you have one drink then everything just falls apart again. It's because you have one drink or maybe two drinks and it's just fine. You do it again and it's still just fine. You are mindful about it and moderate and think "Hey, I can manage this!" and then you just continue to fall deeper and deeper into addiction quicksand.
I am sure there are people who have been able to actually manage this and avoid falling back into their old ways but they are a lucky minority. Many of us true alcoholics cannot or at least, should not even try. That is my approach. I'm not even going to open that door again.
Or what I should say, is that I am not going to open that door today. It's kind of a slight variation on the whole one-day-at-a-time concept. My goal is not to never drink again for the rest of my life. It is to not drink today. Who knows what tomorrow may bring but it ain't happening today. It sounds simple, it is very simple, but has really been another helpful way to approach things.
As you might be able to surmise from the first paragraph, I also like to look at alcoholism and addiction in general as a separate entity. An evil and powerful enemy who wants to get me. This might sound silly or like I am not taking responsibility for my own actions but I think anyone who has suffered through serious addition - or been very close to someone dealing with it - may understand.
Something I think that a lot of men in particular have trouble with, is thinking that they should be able to just stand up to their addictions and beat them on their own. And that not being able to do this is a weakness. That if they were just strong enough, they could defeat any addiction they have with sheer willpower and discipline. When that doesn't happen, they either spiral into helpless depression or deny to themselves that there is a big problem that must be solved.
This is a pretty natural instinct for generally strong people but I think it is the absolute wrong way to look at it. As I said earlier, Alcoholism, is just like The Terminator for me. An unstoppable machine. None of my weapons will work and every time I think I finally destroy it, it just gets back up slowly and keeps coming for me. It is not a fair fight and it never was.
I feel no shame in having lost to The Terminator. I fought it for years and it decisively kicked me ass. I am not a wimp or a weakling. I am a strong person and have survived a lot in my life. I was able to stop smoking cigarettes, stop doing other drugs, but when it came to booze, I could not win. It was my personal kryptonite.
And I'm not the only one. Alcoholism and other addiction have taken down plenty of great people. Strong people, powerful people, brilliant people. It has chewed them up and spit them out. Has taken everything they love away from them, including their lives. It is a beast. A demon from Hell and it cheats. All I can do is tip my cap and say, "You win, Booze. You got me" and try to be like The Terminator myself, staying vigilant. As my addiction always stalks me, I will always keep my eye on it and never let my guard down.
You may be thinking that I sound overdramatic here, personifying and even glorifying this addiction. But that is really what it is like for me and many people who go through this. You may not have this problem and I really hope you don't. It certainly didn't start off for me that way at all but over the years, I felt myself going from happy, social drinking - even with the occasional binge drinking - to something darker that I no longer had any control of.
If it starts to become darker for you or for someone you are very close to, I will say again what I said 3 years ago, you/they will almost definitely need some help. And you should get it right away. Help can come in many forms and don't get locked into thinking you have only one or even two options. Do not, and I repeat, do not be afraid to ask for help. It doesn't make you weaker or less than or anything bad. You are a person who has a real disease. If you had any other disease, you would likely seek treatment.
If you know someone who is going through this and are close to them, I think it is important to know that they have a disease and need treatment too. They are not allowing themselves to be consumed by alcohol just to be a jerk and hurt you. They certainly may be a jerk and hurt you but that is not why they are drinking or why they refuse to stop, long-term. You also may not be the one to help them and that is okay. Doesn't reflect badly on you or anything. It also does not necessarily mean that they don't love you enough to quit drinking on their own.
The reason I have shared this story and are now, sharing it again is not to preach about the dangers of alcohol as well as other serious, dangerous addictions but just because maybe someone else out there is going through something similar or maybe loves someone who is. It can be helpful to hear another perspective. It can also be helpful to hear that you are not the only one. Of course we all know it intellectually but it's different when you actually hear personal stories. This is one reason that group sessions in rehab and things like Alcoholics Anonymous can be incredibly useful to breaking very deep addiction.
And speaking of which, if anyone dealing with addiction in their lives wants to talk to me personally about this stuff, my door is open.
